Ennui

Ennui. Word for the day.

In my last post I raved about the joys of motherhood, and it is indeed joyful, but everything in life has a reverse side. The other side of joy is ennui. Watching daytime TV, in a zombie state, whilst baby sleeps, is an occupational hazard of motherhood. My poison is currently "The Gilmore Girls", 2.10 and repeated at 3,10 on E4 /E4+1. If baby wakes he watches with me, and dances maniacally to the theme tune at the end! He is ok to watch it as it has neither violence or sexual content. Yesterday however, Michel and Sukki were suffering from "Ennui", and boy did I empathise. I empathise in every episode, how I would love to live in Stars Hollow, Connecticut! How I 'd love a wrap-around-porch on my vintage colonial house, with wisteria growing up the facade! And to have a life like Lorelei, and indeed a figure like Lorelei, to sip coffee at Lukes, and run the Dragonfly Inn...... bliss. But reverting back to ENNUI. I think at sometime all Mothers ask themselves "Is this all there is?" Especially when they are wiping something unsavoury off the kitchen floor yet again. When their little one pees on their bed (accidentally) mid potty training. When the Husband is going to be working late -Again! We stare into window displays of "beautiful things we can no longer afford", we shudder at the price list in the hairdressing salon window, we mouth "Waitrose" nostalgically, savouring each letter, in remembrance of mealtimes past as we fill our trolley with Tesco Value...... on our daily, yes daily shopping trip. The highlight of the day! We avoid the uber competitive mothers who demand to know how many teeth junior has, if he is walking, speaking mandarin, potty trained, juggling, sitting his GCE's at nursery- We despair, the same old conversation....ennui. We hit the same cafes, walk the same routes, and try every trick we know to get through to the toddler that switching the washer off mid cycle and the cooker on is not clever, that eating the cable to the lap top is not nutritional, and that 4 am is really not a good time to want to play....... over and over again. In the Mother, Ennui takes the form of the 7 mile stare, the zombie gaze, the deep sigh, utter confusion,forgetfulness and lack of panic. (On a joyful day we are exuberant, madly rushing from one activity to another, play group or babyclass, in a panic of ecstatic proportions!) In the toddler ennui is lethal. A bored toddler will not sit and mope! He looks for and usually finds Mischief. He will literally climb the walls and swing from the metaphorical chandeliers,he will tear mums hair out, tear his books, scream and throw a tantrum to rival Rumpelstiltskin! Thank God for Other Mums, who, suffering their own Ground Hog Day,drop a pleading text or give a quick call. "We need to play! I need to get out!" The call to arms in the battle of Ennui. So raise a toast to The Other Mothers, for whom I will drop anything (Except the baby) and who will drop anything for me, when Ennui takes up residence! And a toast too, to all the waiters who patiently tolerate the 4pm toddler tantrums, bambinochino spillage and drool, Who politely ignore Mummy's end of tether ennui as we down that "I need caffeine" last coffee of the day before home, bath and baby bedtime. And now excuse me, it is time for my afternoon dose of daytime TV....yawn.