Those of us with commuting other halves. Husbands who leave on the red eye and return long past bed time. Some Daddies even work after work at home (mine included). This leaves the Mother with a 12 -14 hour day with , if she is lucky a 2 hour nap/break.
It is hard. Really hard.
If you're a single mum, I don't mean divorced mum, you probably get a council house, paid for, all kinds of benefits, and the stability of there being one parent one rule, and a Dad who isn't interested, so doesn't interfere. (Admittedly for some it is a hell of a lot harder). You probably also get support from family and friends emotionally.
Those of us who are "unwaged" stay at home mums are dependant on our husbands and partners for everything, yet own nothing in our own right. We are, at times, despised and envied, as it is assumed we must be "loaded", as we didn't return to work. Yet often, our jobs would have left us no better off, after we paid child care and transport! Or as in my case, I would not have seen my son if I had returned to work, a I did 5 ten hour days a week.
Recently I sent for a job description only to discover that it involved 8am-6pm and 6 days a week. By the time I got home, the nanny I would have to hire, would have put baby to bed. I would have had family time on a Sunday only. Is there point in that??Especially as after I'd paid the nanny I would have had about £100 a week left! (and half of that I guess I'd need for guilty-working -mom-syndrome therapy!)
As it is, we MSM's are growing in numbers, as I tentatively ask around, I learn that I am not the only Mum left home alone all day. There are quite a few of us!!!
Sometimes too when Dads return form business trips away or don't see baby awake all week, they make assumptions that aren't correct and a rules at the weekend that don't fit the programme. This confuses the child, and annoys mummy. I am not talking about my own husband here, but about all commuter dads. (And divorced Dads I imagine too)
Of course we are grateful that Daddy has a job, that he earns enough to support us, that we then can stay home and bring up baby- but it can be lonely and sometimes soul destroying. If you want to recognise an MSM it is easy, we are the ones after 4pm wandering the parks, mooching at the swings and slides, sat in the cafes, trawling the town centre, the supermarket aisles- anywhere but home. Even in the rain! (Or home writing a blog whilst stir crazed toddler climbs the walls , destroys the soft furnishings? or plays the same musical flashing toy ad nauseam?)
Why do we go out? (We maybe don't want the house wrecked???) Well because for most mums dinner time is 4pm, and as Daddy is home at 6pm, time enough supper, for tidy up and bath. For us, MSM's however, Daddy is home sooo much later that dinner time is pushed to 6pm. So after nap ends at 3pm what can we do to amuse baby till bed time? All the afternoon activities have ended by 3.15, so that mums of older children can collect them from school. We have no where to go.
If there is an enterprising mum out there with a bit of start up capital, lets start a club or chilled afternoon activity, or child friendly cafe/playgroup anything! from 4-5 for the MSM's! then neither we nor the kids will go mental, mummy can relax and baby can let off steam.
Or.... start a post -school "baby helper service" for teenagers to come and help out, a bit like au-pairs, for a couple of hours, play with baby while mummy has a break or does the ironing or cooking in peace?
Until then though we will still be exhausted, it is a hell of a long day!
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